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It can be hard to talk about money in a relationship, especially if there’s a disparity in incomes, if one is an overspender and one is a pinchpenny, or if either of you simply finds it uncomfortable to talk about money for whatever reason. However, it’s essential to have these discussions – fighting about money is one of the number one reasons people end marriages. So on this episode of How To Money, Matt and Joel – both happily married themselves – share some of their best tips for starting and maintaining a healthy conversation about money to stop financial arguments from cropping up in the first place – or at least from becoming a source of strife in your everyday life.
One of the biggest things to remember is that as a committed couple, you’re a team. That means you both need to be fully involved with your finances. It’s okay if one of you is better at organizing a spreadsheet or keeping up with the bill paying, but it’s not okay for the other to completely check out of financial tasks altogether. It also means that you’re working toward goals together, not separately. So making a budget together doesn’t have to be a contentious, tedious chore you force yourselves to do every month. It’s about dreaming together: when you want to buy a house, start a family, move to a big city or out to the country, start a business, go to graduate school, travel the world. Whatever your goals are, they’re going to cost money, and that means you’ll both have to plan, save, and sacrifice to make those goals happen. Think of a budget as an action plan to reach those goals, instead of an obstacle to having fun. That’s something you both need to be fully involved in, instead of one partner dictating to the other how the money will be allocated every month.
But this isn’t something you should wait to do. Start these conversations early on, and have them frequently. Make it fun – crack open a beer together or find a favorite location and have a once- or twice-monthly money talk. Cold hard numbers are essential, of course, but remember that money is emotional, too. Get vulnerable about jarring money experiences in your childhood that might affect the way you think and feel about money, and be open to hearing theirs, too. Understanding each other’s predispositions about money can make these conversations a lot easier to have. And don’t forget that if you’re the frugal one, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically right. It’s more likely that you’ll each have some learning and growing to do – but if you do it together, with empathy, honesty, and transparency, both your marriage and your money will only grow stronger. Hear all this great advice on this episode of How To Money.
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